day 6

Oh frustrations...

It's amazing that I am pretty mellow emotions wise and outrageously reasonable.  However when I feel overwhelmed, I just want to cry and grunt and yell and say bad things. 

1.  I don't cry - I've decided that this is no longer by choice.  I would like to be able to process and heal and cry through a lot of issues but the tears don't come.  It's like I'm Cameron Diaz on the Holiday.  Crying is very rare.

2.  I am a control freak.  I have gotten a lot better at this thought, but I still like my control.  haha even if it's fake control.

3.  I am super busy right now, and thinking about adding anything else to that mix makes me cringe and ache and just bubble.  This however doesn't stop life from happening or people from not understanding exactly what I do everyday.

I don't think people realize how little I am actually at my house.   I sleep here... sometimes I'm here for an hour maybe 2 if i'm lucky.  Let's just say "clean my room" has been on my to do list for almost a week now. 

Another thing that I'm going to try and do is get a full blown physical.  I feel ridiculously tired and way too dependent on coffee.  Also, I've never had one done so I just want to make sure everything is as it should be.

I did do insanity today, it was just stretching plus yoga.  It wasn't hard at all....and I pulled a muscle in my right hip.  My "hip fluxor".  I am currently heating it with a compress and it has tiger balm on it.  I'm hoping it'll get better soon, but regardless I'm not stopping insanity. 

I think that I'm a lot more crazy and messed up than I ever thought.  Yup, there is something seriously wrong with the no crying thing.  I feel like It only really gets in my way when I let people in close. 

Okay those are Monday's thoughts. 

EL FIN