Dear coffee, you have not been doing your job, please do better.

Done with my masters!!!!!

This is gonna be a long crazy week/weekend.

"So is it just me? Am I seeing things, does the way we believe make any sense? Cause I could start fires with what I feel for you, so faded- but we'll see it through"

Go Oranje!!!!!

Today is going to be an awesome day!!

"In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, where you invest your life
"

So glad its the weekend!!!

You will always find excuses for reasons not to do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone

Class time tonight..joy

I am so ridiculously tired! It's a vicious cycle!

It's been a long day already!!

I do NOT want to go to work tomorrow.

Almost home

Kind of miss my monsters

I need a break from all this crazyness.

How is it ONLY tuesday?

Hiatus

I know I know it's been awhile

I got insanely busy for one

for another I just am tired of these blogs not really saying much.

I think that i'll come back when I actually have something to say.

Til then

Later!

"C'mon rude boy c'mon c'mon get it up"

Didn't do insanity I was sick ALL night with headaches and heart burn bad combo plus random freak out panic attacks.

Life group tonight and topic day.

I am...worn out.

I am just so...tired no matter how much sleep I get.  I'm welcoming next week and going home.

Atleast theres a distraction so it's not like going home, I have purpose and I won't be alone.

Song of the Day:  Rude boy cover by Meghan Tonjes

Day one of new puppy was a success

So... I have a puppy

His names Eli and he's 14 weeks old

he's also a german shepard haha

He's cute

Did insanity this morning

Eli is going potty out back then play time before work

Taking a break from the song of the day today

Eli slept thru the night and didn't pee or poo in his cage!

Success!

"Gunfire left a hole In the tank Losing gasoline Fire is on my trail And hes after me Hope it dont get here Before I get where Im going I gotta get where Im going Take off the masked debris"

No insanity again,  I think we were both up too late.

But we are starting back this week!

I am tireddd, I slept a lot but I'm tired still.

Weekend was good, a mixture of fun things ie washing cars and movies with studying and class.

I miss playing basketball, I never played organized but I miss shooting around and just..having fun.

Work this weeks gonna be crazy..

Song of the Day:  Fire Bomb by Rhianna

"I just want to set you on fire so I don't have to burn alone, maybe then maybe then you'd see where I'm coming from"

Class today, this won't be long gotta finish getting ready.

ADK thing tonight

music friends

sleep hopefully

Song of the Day:  Utada/Firebomb Mash up by Meghan Tonjes

"It's just the world is quiet so hush we both can't fight it It's us that made this mess why can't you understand? Woah I won't sleep tonight. "

No working out at all this week.  But I feel tons better.

Work was crazy today and busy but it was good.

Class all weekend and it's homecoming, forgive my lack of enthusiasm.

I want to take a nap and relax all weekend.  Why can't that be arranged! 

Song of the Day:  Animal by Neon Trees

"Kamikaze airplanes in the sky Are we going down or will we fly This could be a ship wreck on the shore Or we could sail away forevermore This time it's sink or swim"

I forget how much I love singing til I can't for days.

Singing voice is back!

Lifegroup was good as always I was a little out of it tho.

Still no insanity.  Maybe this is our week break.

Class this weekend and homecoming sure am glad I'm not in charge this year.

I'm playing music for the ADK thing too so....neat lol

I guess that's all

Song of the Day:  Sink or Swim by Tyrone Wells

"Her blonde hair was a setting sun her mascara was born to run you got scared when she started to show one more thing you'll have to let go"

Still sick so no insanity today

Will be starting it back up tomorrow morning probably.

It's wednesday which means lots of good things

Burritos, hopefully a good chapel, topic day!, and life group.

I really do love weds.

Well I'm going to go get ready now.

Song of the Day:  Could've been worse by Matthew Ryan

"With everything, With everything we will shout for your glory"

I know I know I didn't post yesterday.

It's been crazy and I've been sick.

Late start for schools which means late start for work.

I am so tired it's like I can't get enough sleep.

We didn't do insanity this morning or yesterday because we're both sick.

I'm hoping for better weather and better health tomorrow.

Song of the Day:  With Everything by Hillsong United

" I'm just looking for shelter You're just holding my hand if I hold you You don't have to belong here We'll just know when it's right, when it's right"

The show went really good on Friday..I think anyways.

I had a lot of my friends there so it was really fun and to do the request thing it went really well.

I still don't take breaks when I sing oh well

Yesterday was fun and relaxing didn't do much besides see a movie clean my room and study a little at the brew.

Today is church, work and studying while working, movie and then I have no idea.

I am so thankful for the weekends.

Song of the Day:  Looking for Shelter by the good old war

"How do you sleep while the city's burning Where do you go when you can't go home"

No insanity today, it's okay though I kind of welcomed the break I got to wake up on my own without an alarm well...after my 5:45 one went off and there was no movement or lights on from my room mate getting out of bed.

Show tonight, I'm so excited.  I just want to do my best and really push myself.

I need to run through a lot of my songs today and there are still more that need printed out good thing i'll have 3 hours to prepare!

Song of the Day:  Fire on the mountain by Rob Thomas

"I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down. Leave everybody sleepin in this sleepy town tonight, and at the break of day, I'll be a runaway!"

Insanity today, didn't want to get up but did anyways.

I'm getting ansty about friday.

I'm just ready for it, will be working on music tonight as much as I can!

It'll probably be a lot of short blogs til friday is over. 

I feel like I need to be saying more profound things but I can't think of anything.

Song of the Day:  Runaway by Love and Theft

"It’s your disbelieving eyes locked in concrete miles It’s your yawning conscious and your lawyer’s smile It’s an occupied country, foaming at the mouth"

Insanity was good and hard today.

I got a nap today it was glorious.

Life group was awesome as always.

I'm so ready for friday, I have high hopes!


Song of the Day:  Another bag of bones by Kevin Devine

"Girl with a bird she found in the snow that flew up her gown, and that's how she knows that God made her eyes for crying at birth then left the ground to circle the earth"

Insanity went good today it was hard but good.

Today's gonna be busy busy but I'm ready for it.

No class this week so I'm trying to work on music throughout the week to get ready for friday.

After friday it's ALL studying.

I really need to get busy.

That is all for now I guess.


Song of the Day:  Boy with a coin by Iron and Wine

"lately i’ve been thinking lately i’ve been dreaming with you i’m so resitant to this type of thinking oh, now it’s shining through"

Yesterday was Vday, Vday made me fat with all the candy crap laying around.

Thanks vday.

Other than that, it was a good day.

Had lunch with a friend, worked on some music, cleaned

And finished my night watching captain ron and eating good food with Kels.

Today is Monday and this week, I'm going to give it all I got.

Insanity went good this morning, well "good"  It was really hard but I made it through!

Time to goto work!

Song of the Day:  Ghost by Howie Day

"I want everything to be so clean, so clean"

Welcoming the weekend, no insanity!

Got to see a good friends last night, miss everyone being in the same place.

I wish that we could all be in a really close area for the rest of our lives but that's such an unrealistic thought.  But these types of friends, you'll have for life.

Have you ever felt on the edge of something that could potentially be so big and life changing that you can't even begin to take that step out?

I feel like change is right on the tip of my tongue and with each day I'm becoming more and more okay with it.

That's all for now.

Song of the Day:  Clean by Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johannsson

"I knew it from the start, you'd be the one to break my heart"

Insanity cardio recovery this morning thank goodness.

Man I have no energy!!

Class tonight and tomorrow.

Then I have no clue.

I don't have much else to say.

Song of the day:  The Start by Meghan Tonjes

"You can go heavy on me and I will not weigh you down, down, down"

Insanity Plyo was really hard today harder than last week, I think that my body is just so worn out.  If I lay back down it's so hard to get back up after working out.

I couldn't sleep last night it was really annoying.

When you wake up at 5:45 going to bed after midnight just isn't enough sleep.

It's thursday, class this weekend.

Oh it's also snowing..again.

Song of the Day:  Heavy by Holly Brook

"We will we will rock you, rock you"

Did Insanity this morning, we did the fit test and the cardio abs not too bad.  My legs are still sore form running!

Today's been a good day!

I don't really have much else to say though.

Song of the Day:

We will rock you by Queen

"Between the noise you hear And the sound you like Are we just sinking in an ocean of faces?"

I ran a mile and a half yesterday AFTER doing insanity yesterday morning!!

Insanity this morning was HARD.  Pure cardio is by far the hardest so far I can never do it all.  Someday....

I've decided that something that's always pointless is arguing with ex's over why things ended.  Everyone has their own side and hey if you've moved on then why do you care if the other one believes your side or whatever?  Just let it go already!

Anyways That's my mini rant for the day.

I'm hoping to get some real work done today!

Biggest Loser tonight yeah yeah!

Song of the Day:

All the right moves by One Republic

"don't you ever come back don't you ever come don't you"

Just finished insanity it was good today wasn't quite ready for it but I made it out alive!

I have to go into work early so I'm already showered just have to get ready.

I wish I had time to nap today...that'd be really neat.

Do you know that feeling where someone is asking you what's wrong or what you're thinking and you can't even begin to say what it is?  They mean well but usually just end up pushing until you're annoyed.

I think that this happens a lot to me because I'm not a talker.  I talk in waves.  However I feel like when my waves come I tend to either have no one to listen to them at the time or I get talked over. 

If I have something to say or I have a story especially if it's about something deep I usually will have a moment of sharing now in that moment if I get talked over or not listened to I usually tuck whatever it is back in and just say that it was nothing.

I don't know why this is or why I get so sensitive.

I think that people use the excuse of "I'm (as in me) am not a talker" as to why they don't ASK me things.

I'm not even saying people, I just have a few select people in mind when I say this.

I am a listener, I love listening to people but it's gotta be a two way street, at least ask, even if I have nothing to say.

I guess that's my Monday mini rant.  Til next time!

Song of the day:

What's Happening by Alpha beat

"Cus when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even"

Did post yesterday!  Sorry it was busy

I am currently up in the radio station recording woo!! It's actually been really good.

Super bowl is tonight meh, but good food and good people.

That's all for now.

Song of the day:

Break Even Cover by Caleb Lovely

"Sorry I can not hear you I'm kinda busy, I'm kinda busy"

Did insanity cardio recovery this morning.

It's nice and slow and easy going.  It's still a challenge but it's stretching and yoga.  It's a nice break from crazy cardio.

Work was long today it just felt lonnng.

So much to do this next week but I'm trying not to think about it and just focus on the weekend and just take it one day at a time and enjoy what I can. 

I'm trying not to get back into my rut because I'm feeling overwhelmed so I'm trying to just fill my weekend with good times. 

Okay I'm tired of typing time to study.

Song of the day:

Telephone Cover (orig by gaga) by Meghan Tonjes

"Think less but see it grow, like a riot like a riot oh, I'm not easily offended, it's not hard to let it go, from a mess to the masses"

Insanity was super hard today think about P90x plyo meets insanity.  SO HARD but so good.

I am really starting to feel my body wear down.  I am trying to sleep as much as I can but it's hard sometimes.  I feel like I have no time, I know that this is dramatized a little and I actually do have SOME time. 

Mission for today and the days to follow:

Utilize my time wisely and take every moment in especially the moments that I have free.

Song of the day:

Lizstomania by Pheonix

"Bring me your love tonight..."

Did Insanity this morning it was really good but hard.

I was so tired that I took a 2 hour nap.

Guitar lessons today, I love teaching it, its fun!

I love the song for the day, the first time I really listened to it, I was in my car today rainy weather, wet streets, I couldn't help but tear up.  It was so beautiful.

Sometimes things happen in life that just make you stop inhale a really deep breath and just be thankful for choices that you have made or haven't made for the best.

Song of the day:

As much as I ever could by City and Colour

"I lay you down on the cold ground, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your long arms"

Didn't do insanity today...um I woke up at 7:37am with no recollection of a alarm going off at 5:45... weird.

Anyways long day ahead

I need to be getting ready now!


Short blog today

Song of the Day:

Set the fire to the third bar by Snow Patrol

"I let it bang bang"

Gasp!  I didn't post yesterday!  Opps my bad.

Did insanity this morning it went great!  I am actually still energized and motivated to work out so I'm going later to lift and maybe do some form of cardio to warm up.

I'm getting out of my rut.

Thank goodness it was really annoying me.

I refuse to sink into that mind set I had last year around this time.

Anyways busy and exciting day thus far!

Going back to work.

Song of the day:

Revolver by Madonna feat:  Lil Wayne

"How could I ever believe, that 10,000 stones would build the best of me"

I need out today for sure. 

I've made an amazing playlist, watched a few movies.

Hung out with a few friends.

I need out of my house before I hurt someone.

So let us pray right now that when I finally get around to going outside and starting my car that....I can indeed get out of my drive way.  Because if I still can't, I might...just...go crazy.


Kelsey comes home tomorrow :) yay

I think I'm done with today's post.

Song of the Day:

10,000 Stones by Adrianne

"Hold me down sweet and low little girl"

another snow day not by choice.

I tried to go to work but my car is absolutely stuck in my drive way....arg.

No insanity again today not sure what happened this morning I was in some sort of a weird dream haze.

I'm a weird mood.

Dang you emotions.

That is all.

Song of the day:

Sweet and low by augustana the acoustic version

"please see the bleeding heart perched on my shirt"

It's an ice storm outside!

No work today...no work tonight!  I'm pumped

Didn't do insanity either because I didn't sleep AT ALL last night basically it was like off and on tossing and turning in pain.

I think this is all I'm going to blog today unless I get bored again.

Song of the day:

Wasteland by 10 years

"But nothing could be further from the truth, my love, did you even listen?"

Insanity was insane!!

So I've decided that from now on, my blog titles will be lyrics from my song of the day, and if you click the title it will take you to that song via youtube.  So be checking those everyday :)

So back to insanity, it's hard it's always going to be hard.  But I decided that I wouldn't want to wake up at 5:45 M-F working out at 6 if it wasn't hard.  I like a challenge.

I wish everyone had a blog, I think that it could open a lot of doors.  I think that we might start paying attention more.  Maybe not though.

I'm excited about going back to sleep for a little bit before all the duties Wednesday brings.  I do love Wednesdays tho.  They bring a lot of fun and awesome people.

Well that's all for this Wed.

Song of the day:

Soul Sucker by Amos Lee  (click the blog title give it a listen)

Week 1 down!

Insanity was good today, hard but good.  I did more than I thought I would be able to do with my hip.

Work was work, busy as always.

I'm hoping to catch a quick nap before I go to work tonight.  I'm not feelin too good...zero zero zero energy.

Happy Tuesday!

day 6

Oh frustrations...

It's amazing that I am pretty mellow emotions wise and outrageously reasonable.  However when I feel overwhelmed, I just want to cry and grunt and yell and say bad things. 

1.  I don't cry - I've decided that this is no longer by choice.  I would like to be able to process and heal and cry through a lot of issues but the tears don't come.  It's like I'm Cameron Diaz on the Holiday.  Crying is very rare.

2.  I am a control freak.  I have gotten a lot better at this thought, but I still like my control.  haha even if it's fake control.

3.  I am super busy right now, and thinking about adding anything else to that mix makes me cringe and ache and just bubble.  This however doesn't stop life from happening or people from not understanding exactly what I do everyday.

I don't think people realize how little I am actually at my house.   I sleep here... sometimes I'm here for an hour maybe 2 if i'm lucky.  Let's just say "clean my room" has been on my to do list for almost a week now. 

Another thing that I'm going to try and do is get a full blown physical.  I feel ridiculously tired and way too dependent on coffee.  Also, I've never had one done so I just want to make sure everything is as it should be.

I did do insanity today, it was just stretching plus yoga.  It wasn't hard at all....and I pulled a muscle in my right hip.  My "hip fluxor".  I am currently heating it with a compress and it has tiger balm on it.  I'm hoping it'll get better soon, but regardless I'm not stopping insanity. 

I think that I'm a lot more crazy and messed up than I ever thought.  Yup, there is something seriously wrong with the no crying thing.  I feel like It only really gets in my way when I let people in close. 

Okay those are Monday's thoughts. 

EL FIN

Day 5

Today is for me.

I'm going to church soon then going to an open house around 1 then coming home doing laundry and cleaning my room and listening to music that is going to help me find my own sound.  If it gets to 56 I might go wash my car which it really needs!  And maybe recording a little tonight.  I want to start getting serious about my music.  I want to find my sound so that my songs can be even more mine.  I'm tired of trying to sound like other people and holding myself to standards that are unrealistic right now. 

Tomorrows Monday, back to crazyness but today, today is going to be a good day.

4

Had class today and yesterday.  Everything went fairly well.

I think I'm in a rut. 

Not really feeling the whole blogging thing today.

Day three

Alright I'll be honest didn't do insanity today.  I think I was the only one who woke up this morning.  I was up but I was more than happy to go back to sleep.  I have a really long day today work all day and then class tonight from 6-10.  I could definitely use the extra 2 hours of sleep. 

Today I am feeling sore, tired and exaugsted. 

Something that arose yesterday that I think is a huge problem these days is labeling.

We label everything, everyone, everything must fit into a label.  It's ridiculous if you think about it.  Why do we all have to fit into this box of how or who we should be.  This is very prevelent in the counseling world especially when diagnosing people.  I hate putting that label on someone I feel its unecessary most of the time.  Yes sometimes diagnosis can help treatment or finding the right treatment but I don't think that everyone one you counsel needs a diagnosis.  Why can't we just be.  And even when there really isn't anything wrong we are made to believe that there might be just to fit into a label.  It all just seems outlandish.  Take this survey, do this quiz, all so we can be placed into some category.  It's not that easy and it never will be.  I think that when you're growing up or even into adulthood you face labels to varying degrees.  I faced the bulk of mine in highschool.  I hated high school, I had friends but I definitely wasn't popular.  Why?  Because I didn't understand why it was necessary to fit into a label.  I don't understand it now.  I guess that I never will.

That's all for today.

Til Nextime. 

Day 2

Insanity today was still insane and still hard.  I hate waking up at 6am but I like being so productive.  Right now I feel like I'm running low on sleep but I have actually been sleeping just fine.

Being out in the real world is exciting but sometimes I still feel like I'm too...young to be doing what I'm doing.  Some days it feels like I'm already done with school and licensed and I'm already working in my ideal field.  But then weekends like this one come up and I'm reminded that I'm not done til August and that I should probably be studying way more than I am.  Which is....none.

I'm not really feeling the whole lets have a heart to heart blog today, however I am feeling like an hour nap sounds glorious so that's what I will do.

Til next time.

PS if you click the "Day 2"  You'll be linked to the insanity promo vid via youtube.

Blog Numero Uno

Started Insanity today it is exactly that, insane. It's hard and makes me feel..well fat but I like the challenge. Even though we are getting up at 6am to work out, it's productive enough that it feels like I have accomplished something when it's over. I'm sure that I will soon be feeling the intense pains of my endeavor soon.

I am beginning a new season of my life. One where I want to start taking things more seriously.

1. My Spiritual Life
2. Healthy Mind, Body and Soul
3. Being more open to actually putting myself out there.
4. Learning how to deal and process through emotions that I normally avoid.
5. Enjoying the people in my life, because I never know how long they will be in it.

These are just some of the things that I hope to pursue over this year.

What I hope this blog will be is, raw and honest.

I can't promise that I'll write everyday even though I'd like to, I know that it probably won't happen.

I guess that's all for now.

Signing off of this Day 1 Blog.